We’ve all been victim to the little green monster that comes out to play whenever we are faced with someone prettier, more popular, more successful, or more “perfect” than we are. There are countless memes and articles on the internet about jealousy, ranging from accusing the other person of it, dealing with it, and not letting it get in the way. “Jealousy is a disease,” one meme touts, while another warns that “a little push and it turns into madness.” With the addition of social media and the pressure to present perfection in a post, tweet, or pic, jealousy and envy have only become more prominent over time.
Now, while jealousy or envy is not truly a disorder, they do negatively affect your mental health. From birth, we are privy to the spoken and unspoken comparisons made to others by everyone around us. By the time we hit puberty, our insecurities are in full force, reinforced by our constant need to be both unique and the same as all of our friends. Our self-image is constantly attacked by unrealistic expectations represented by media, leaving us feeling perpetually inadequate next to others who are identified as the perfect specimen of beauty. As well-intentioned as the school systems are, we often find that applying for colleges and graduate schools tend to bring out our worst fears of being a failure, of being judged unworthy of inclusion and being shut out of our dreams.
By the time we are supposed to be fully functional human beings, most of us have regular encounters that leave us wishing we were more than we perceive ourselves to be. These emotions are particularly hard to deal with when someone you know personally is involved, such as a friend or family member. Their perceived beauty, popularity, and success feel like a personal jab at your self-esteem, and even the most rational of us will doubt our abilities sooner or later. For some people, the pressure will be too great and lead to a vicious cycle of harsh criticism and worthlessness. In the worst cases, this will result in severe depression, anxiety, self-harm, and sometimes, suicide.
Despite the kitschy notion of “self-love” that we hear about, it does hold clinical merit. Being kinder to oneself and listing positive things and accomplishments can be a concrete way of breaking the cycle of self-abuse. Setting personal goals and directing your energy on achieving them is a great way to distract from those incessant feelings of jealousy. With every success you will feel stronger and more confident, which leads to reach for bigger and better things. Channeling your efforts toward something you love and feel passionate about will bring you the happiness you could never achieve by “keeping up with the Joneses.”
Jealous and envy are not easy to overcome, but not impossible to conquer. You have to make a conscious effort to steer yourself away from negativity and focus on the people and things that make you proud to be who you are. Rid your life of those who seek to drag you down, and you might just find it easier to soar.
